Do you remember when you first met that special someone?  You probably felt nervous, excited, and like your normal brilliance had suddenly abandoned you and turned you into a person who excelled in saying the stupidest possible thing on a regular basis.  Soon you were caught up in the thrill of new romance: writing love notes and poems, using any and every excuse to spend time together, and making all the silly foolish declarations that people in love tend to make.

Perhaps you married, perhaps due to life circumstances you have been dating for years and while you still love that someone, the rush of a new romance is gone.  The good news is that a little effort on your part can help make the latter stages of romance even better than the initial rush of falling in love.

The Disciplines of Romance

Most westerners have probably never thought that romance requires discipline.  It’s just something that sort of happens.  We talk and think about love as an irresistible force that comes suddenly and all but possesses us.  The truth is that any long-term relationship is going to take planning and routine to maintain as well as spontaneity.  What I will refer to as the disciplines of romance don’t have to be arduous, they can be simple.  They are things like writing weekly love notes to each other, having a weekly date night to just be together and talk about life, hopes, dreams, goals, learning to listen to what is unsaid as well as what is said, and finding activities you can enjoy doing together.  The intensity of first meeting and falling in love isn’t meant to last, it’s too unsettling and destabilizing, but applying these techniques can add warmth, depth, and intimacy to the latter stages of romance.

Remember to Play

Most people in love do many silly playful things in addition to writing love notes.  Inside jokes, silly but routine exchanges, and spontaneous joyful exuberance are all part of staying young and keeping the love alive.  A playful attitude can also make work fun instead of drudgery, but most of us let play die off, as we get older and feel the pressure to be more grown-up and dignified.  Many wise quotes and sayings instruct us in the value of play.  The most famous is “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”.  As a corollary to that, let us add something about dull boys boring the girls.  Play keeps life interesting and fun, and if you find that with each other, you’ll never consider looking anywhere else.